There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
