i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
