3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
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