Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
