Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
