I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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