he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
