My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
