I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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