did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
