How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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