The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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