She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
