After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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