I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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