Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
People in love make me want to vomit
I just found puke in my bra..
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
