She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Randomize
