how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
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