he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
