I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
