THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
