Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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