I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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