i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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