Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
