A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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