My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
