Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
