70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
