May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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