Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
