Swine flu. Run for my life!
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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