Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
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