no, he came in my armpit
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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