I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
