My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
