Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
