My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
