I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
