it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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