Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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