just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
