Barsexuality is the new black.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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