Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
