Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
