Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
