I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
