I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
We got so high we made milksteak
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
