Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
