Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
