I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
